You Matter

Staring at the screens, invisible to one another, we wondered… What would it look like if we treated each other as if we mattered?

Rae’s Take:

“In our next chapter, lets be vagabonds!”

“It’s soul satisfying to form new professional collaborations and in the process develop treasured friendships.”

“What about God? Is a church about a deepening relationship with God or is it more about community?”

“Listen to the killer lyrics that came to me last night – Throw caution to the wind you say, go ahead and take a chance…..”

These snippets are reflective of early morning conversations between Tim and I since we decided to ban all things technology from our bedroom.

Now instead of lying side by side, each with our iPads in hand, checking the daily news, Facebook posts from friends, and playing Words with Friends, we enjoy the quiet cadence of good conversation. The quiet cadence that only comes from knowing we are not just waiting for the person to finish their sentence before getting back to the allure of the latest CNN or Drudge report.  Before we fall asleep at night or awake to a new day, we talk and listen to one another in a relaxed way, enjoying the natural flow of a mutual exchange where we are both fully present.

So rather than jumping out of bed after a technology fix to walk, I am seduced by the simple pleasure of connection and conversation with my mate.

Though our leisurely morning chats have had a negative impact on my physical fitness, my and our emotional fitness is shaping up quite nicely!

Tim’s Take:

Every morning I would caress her like she was a Greek goddess. I would slide my fingers along her creases and press her buttons to make her do the things I wanted. Even though she was just a hard piece of plastic, some steel and glass I couldn’t resist her gravity-like pull on me. My iPad gave me my morning news and informed me of the paths my “friends” were taking and allowed me to see what was going on in the world.

Was I a tech junkie? Needing the fix every day? The signs were there when halfway through the morning I would open my web browser and surf the sites I bookmarked looking for some new tidbit to wrap my mind around. At lunch I buried my nose into the screen and I would swear at supper time it was my last foray into techno-land. But, I could never keep my promise. I would go to bed an hour earlier than I normally would just to dig back into the netherworld of news sites to sink into a world of mundane information.

My love affair with the info-world ended when Rae and I decided to take a break. Leave the iPads and iPhones on the chargers and just talk in the mornings. Look each other in the eyes and communicate. I still pop a photo onto Instagram occasionally and check my Facebook to see what “friends” are up to. The rules are no technology in bed, at meals or when someone has something to say to the other. Undivided attention.

The result. A much more stimulated life. Mentally and physically. So, my advice to all of you tech addicts out there is to remedy the situation. The end result will bring you much satisfaction.


A Sacrifice for Love

  • Consider someone you care deeply about. What are you willing to do differently or give up to treat her/him as if they matter?
  • When and how will you go about it?
  • What obstacles do you anticipate?
  • What will you do to overcome the obstacles and sustain the change?

Change Together

  • Agree with your mate about something you are going to do differently to enrich your relationship.
  • Practice your new commitment for a week.
  • Each person write a short description or a blog about how he or she experienced the change.
  • Make a date to go somewhere and share your descriptions with one another. (In the case of the tech ban, Tim and I went to a beach and each shared the above blogs that we wrote).

Living Your Ideal

  • Write a poem, description or short story which captures your ideal around love.
  • Identify a person you love.
  • Determine what actions you will take this week to begin to bring your idealized version of love to life.

3 thoughts on “You Matter”

  1. You’ve just put a huge smile on my face. I can just hear Ian make that comment! And how right he is. Tim and Rae, the different angles to how you see things make the whole larger than the sum of your pieces. Why have two cookies when you can have a luscious piece of apple pie?

    What a great idea to leave technology outside the bedroom (and many other place for that matter). Not only to be fully present and listen to each other. To be fully present and listen to oneself as well. To the whispers of one’s soul that you would otherwise not hear because digital noise is crowding them out.

  2. Agree, love the two perspectives.
    Our house in France we have deliberately have not installed wifi… we talk, walk and play games… Monopoly, Poker etc.

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